What Happens After Tomorrow Never Comes
by fictiongirl8
Summary: What happens after 5x09. The heartbreak, the pain, but maybe eventually the healing. Mix of flashbacks as well as what happens after Rayna's death.
1. Curtain Call

I know this last episode has been really tough for Nashies everywhere. It's impossible to even think about how the show is going to go on, but writing through it has really helped me. Although it hurts just writing some of this, it's helping prepare me for what might be coming up on the show. Hopefully, this story will keep growing as the show goes on and while it might start out dark, I promise the healing and light are going to come in soon as well as some flashback chapters. Comment thoughts about the story or even just something you want to share about what's been going on on the show. 

He didn't know what he was supposed to do. He barely remembers how he even got home, how he left….God…..how he left _her_. He had his arms wrapped around the girls, sobbing as they laid on the hospital bed.

He can't get the sounds out of his head. It's a sadistic soundtrack playing over and over. The broken singing, _her_ shallowing breathing, the beep of the flatline.

They stayed like that for awhile. He didn't know how he was supposed to get up and leave her. Leave the love of his life. Leave _Rayna_. Forever.

 _"_ _Mommy, come back. Come back. Please stay. Don't go, we need you. We need you, mommy."_

Daphne's helpless pleas echoed through his mind over and over again.

He wanted to stop it all. To silence his mind and stop feeling it all. He wasn't numb, that would've been too easy. Instead, he was feeling every single edge of the whole that was gaping through his heart.

Scarlett had come in and finally coaxed the girls away, just barely. But he couldn't move. He held _her_ in his arms and rocked her again him, grief ripping through him and out of his throat in the form of broken sobs.

They'd offered him a sedative, to help him sleep a little, but he didn't want to leave the girls. He didn't even want to close his eyes. Because if he slept, then he might be given relief from this pain. He might forget while drifting off into nothingness. But then he'd have to wake up…and remember. And he couldn't handle having to go through the pain of remembering pain. It'd be too much.

Eventually, someone had pulled him off, practically kicking and screaming.

 _"_ _That's my wife, No! I can't leave her! Don't you touch her!"_

At some point Scarlett had taken him and the girls in his truck and drove them home. The girls had both collapsed onto Maddie's bed, Maddie curling her body around Daphne's. He'd sat there with them awhile until their shaking had stopped and they'd both been given the sweet relief of sleep.

He'd gotten up and wandered through the house. He didn't know where he was supposed to go. He sure as hell couldn't go up to their room, not without _her_. He couldn't go in there where everything was evidence of _her._ Where _her_ perfume scented the pillowcases and _her_ Opry t-shirt that she wore to bed was tossed onto the chair by her vanity. Where next to the bedside table there was a notepad with hastily scribbled lyrics and melodies waiting to finished, but now were never going to.

Scarlett had offered to stay night, no, she'd practically insisted that she was. But he'd somehow convinced her that he was just going to sleep and that she could come back in the morning.

 _"_ _Stay strong." "Call me if you need." "We're here for you."_

These were the phrases people were willing to say, the ones that they were allowed to. Often delivered with determined looks and pleading eyes. This was what everyone was saying, but they were all thinking the same thing.

 _"_ _Don't go drinking your sorrows away."_

He laughed at the thought. Not because it was funny, it certainly wasn't. Not because he had proven himself to be the poster boy for recovering alcoholics especially when things got tough. But because they had thought that he'd drink to feel better. **As if** , all the Jack Daniels in this world would possibly take away this pain. Of course he wouldn't because of the girls and his dying promise to Ray, but even if he was weak enough, it wouldn't ease any of this in the slightest.


	2. Ball and Chain

"But he's so much older than her." Deacon argued.

"I know, I know, babe. But I mean, she's right, I was just about her age when I met you and we know how trying to keep us apart worked out for my daddy." Rayna countered.

They were driving around Nashville together, running a few errands here and there, simply enjoying the day. He had his hand in hers resting on the console between them, the radio playing in the background. They'd been discussing song ideas for their album, Scarlett and Gunnar's video, and had finally moved onto Maddie's new relationship with Clay.

"She's always gonna use that one on us huh? Oh mom was my age when she started, mom was my age when she met you…..I swear that girl is way too smart for her own good." Deacon replied exasperated.

Rayna laughed, "You're right about that one. She already got the whole sneaking out to shows and running away to start her music career down so I guess we really should've seen this one coming," she joked with him.

"Ughhh!" Deacon grunted, "And of course he's got his own set of problems too. I mean he's bipolar and not treating it with medication. That worries me."

"I'm right there with you, hon. But we learned that we can't lock her up to protect her from the world. She's gonna have to go out there and get hurt and we'll be there waiting to pick her up again."

"You always know the right thing to say, Ray."

"I knew you kept me around for something!"

 _"_ _Next up, we got the hit single from last year "Ball and Chain" with former power couple Rayna Jaymes and Luke Wheeler here on Country Countdown"_

Rayna slightly winced at the announcement coming out of the stereo and reached her hand out to change the station.

"Oh just leave it, Rayna."

"C'mon I know you don't wanna hear this, hell I don't even wanna hear it."

"Hey, it's a good song. After all, Scarlett and Gunnar wrote it."

" _IT'S SO COMPLICATED, IT'S DRIVING ME INSANE, IT'S JUST A BALL AND CHAIN!" Deacon belted out, doing his best to lower his voice and exaggerate his southern accent._

 _Rayna was caught in a fit of laughter as he continued his solo._

 _"_ _Your turn now, Ray!"_

 _She sighed and gave into his fun,_

 _"_ _All those little games you play babe_

 _used to be fun_

 _Baby we were flying higher_

 _close to the sun_

 _But you're tearing me apart now_

 _All the good is gone_

 _There's a shadow hanging over us_

 _What was right is wrong"_

Then he jumped in and they sang the last chorus together.

"You're crazy, Deacon Claybourne. And for what's it worth, I'd take our duets over this any day."

"Doesn't matter to me, Ray, as long as I'm singing with you."

"Well, I'm _your_ ball and chain now, so I guess you're stuck with me," she said with a wink.


	3. Together We Stand

"Hey baby, I'm back. I wasn't sure how much we'd need for the weekend, might've overdone it a bit," Deacon called out as he came into the kitchen, his arms loaded with grocery bags for their weekend at the cabin.

They'd finally taken some time to get away and just do something for themselves. After the whole Maddie situation and Juliette's shaky recovery, they needed to take a moment to just go and be with each other without all the distractions of their everyday lives. Rayna had given strict orders to Bucky not to call her unless it was a complete emergency and she was only answering her phone for the girls. Deacon couldn't be more excited. 48 interrupted hours with his wife at their happy place, their safe haven.

"Geez, you could feed an army with all this food!" Rayna exclaimed.

"Well, I figured we might find one or two ways to work up an appetite this weekend," Deacon countered slyly.

"Oh is that so." Rayna teased, wrapping her arms arounds his neck and leaning in for a long, deep kiss.

As she pulled away slowly, Deacon let out a heavy yawn.

"You, mister, need to go get some sleep. You did the entire drive up here, go get some rest while I make us something to eat."

"Mhhhh, I don't know, I kind of like it right here."

"You're going to need your energy if you're going to make it to dessert tonight. And trust me, you want dessert," Rayna said playfully with a wink.

"On that note, I am going to go sleep and dream about that dessert then," he called back as he headed to their bedroom.

Rayna smiled to herself. She'd missed this. She'd missed being them. She'd missed the ease and bliss that they fell into when everything else fell away and it was just them. All the chaos of the past few months had drove them apart for a little, but they were finally back on track, stronger than ever. They needed this, making time for each other, just being husband and wife.

Rayna started unpacking groceries, placing things in the fridge and leaving some on the counter for later. She reached into the fridge and grabbed a few items that had been left there from their last visit and had most likely gone bad in their absence. As she opened the trash to throw them out, she saw a familiar black label peeking out from the bottom.

Her heart sank and her stomach lurched into her throat. Her hands shook slightly as she reached down into the trash and grabbed the empty Jack Daniels bottle. She was breathing quickly and tears were welling up in her eyes.

 _"_ _He couldn't have," she thought, "I mean after all we've been through, he just wouldn't, I know him."_

Rayna shoved the bottle into the back of an empty cabinet, not sure what she thought of it, of what she was going to do. She resumed preparing dinner, but her mind was somewhere else completely.

It was lost in the past. In the years of pain and disappointment, and the fear of what she was gonna find when she went chasing after Deacon. Screaming matches, her crying begging him to stop, him pushing her away, and then later his broken apologies, his own tears, on his knees asking for a second chance. Eventually he'd kiss her and one thing would lead to another. He'd hold her in his arms and for that short time everything else didn't seem to matter. But in the morning, all the same demons would come back to light to haunt them.

She was so lost in her own thoughts she didn't even hear him come back into the kitchen.

"Smells real good in here, Ray. Is everything done?" he asked.

"Yep, we can eat," she replied.

They sat down at the table and Rayna pushed the food around her plate, her appetite was long gone.

"So, I had a couple new song ideas I thought we could work on tonight, few things that've been running through my mind."

"Uh-huh, sounds good, babe."

"You alright, darlin'?"

"Yeah, I'm fine."

"It's just that you seem like something's on your mind, like you're a million miles away. Did something happen?" Deacon asked.

"No, nothing, I'm tired that's all."

"Then how come you haven't looked me in the eye once, and still aren't. Just tell me. What is it, baby?"

Rayna bit her lip and got up from the table and reached for the bottle inside the cabinet.

"Found this in the trash before," she said, holding it up to him.

Deacon let out a long sigh.

"So you think I drank it? You don't trust me?" he asked.

"I didn't say that. I don't know what to think."

"Well, I didn't. It's from when we were separated after the court hearing and my arrest. You were gone, and I was here and I just didn't see the light at the end of the tunnel. I felt like I lost you, and Maddie, and Daphne. I bought it and brought myself here. I….I opened it, even put the bottle to my lips. But that was it. I didn't have a sip of it, Ray, I swear to God. I'm sorry that I didn't tell you, that I was weak enough to let it even go that far. But, I didn't cross the line. And I won't ever, you have to know that."

A couple tears slipped down Rayna's cheeks as she let out a breath she hadn't known she'd been holding in. He came over and wrapped her in his arms, holding her tightly to his chest.

"I trust you, I do. And I want you to be able to tell me these things. You're not in this alone, you don't have to be strong all the time. I know you want to protect me, but you can't protect _us_ if you don't let me in. I love you, Deacon."

"I love you too, Ray. You, the girls, our family, it's everything to me. I'd never jeopardize that."

He cupped her face in his lands and their lips met, soft at first, but the pace quickly intensified. His hands were all over her, running down her sides as she ran her fingers through his hair. He moved his lips down to her neck, gently sucking on the spot right below her jawline. She moaned softly as he work his way to her collarbone. He lifted her up onto the counter and she wrapped her legs around his waist.

"Take me to bed, babe," she whispered in his ear.

"My pleasure."


	4. Already Gone

**This was a tough one to write especially after that gut-wrenching episode that literally broke my soul. Let me know what you think!**

Deacon took a deep breath and closed his eyes tightly. He slowly turned the handle of the door and stepped inside the room.

He breathed in hard, feeling like the winds had been knocked out of him and like his legs were gonna fall out from under him.

He had avoided this place ever since she'd died. There was just so much of her in it, more than any other part of the house. The music room was her sanctuary. It was her safe space. She was everywhere in here. Her records plastered on the walls, albums, old pictures, of them, the girls. He could still smell her perfume. This is where they'd given life to their album together, pouring out their hearts in the most intimate process of making music.

His guitars were in the corner. He hadn't even touched one yet. He couldn't bear to. The music. It was still too raw. If he picked up that guitar and pressed his fingers to those strings, there'd be no stopping the flood that would pour through. And he didn't have the strength to weather that storm yet, he needed to save all he had for their girls. Music had been what had gotten him through so many tough things. He didn't know how he was ever going to heal when the thing that saved him, the thing that took away his pain was causing him so much itself. He never imagined he could be too broken to write a song. Her and music were so tightly intertwined. She'd always been his muse and the idea of having to put into words this loss was damn near killing him.

He sat down on the couch. He smiled at the memory of the many make-out session that had started right here, and usually leading to more. His smile quickly faded as he tried to choke back his tears.

He got up and walked over to the record player. He needed to make himself do this. Even if he wasn't ready. The tribute was tomorrow and he had built up a tolerance for seeing her pictures, her smiling, her eyes shining, and feeling his heart tear up into pieces. But he hadn't heard her yet. He hadn't heard her sweet, sweet voice. He'd stayed away from the tribute videos and old home movies. But tomorrow, there was bound to be something of her singing and he couldn't have the first time be in front of an entire crowd, in front of the girls.

He finally settled on her first album, the one he'd been there every step of the way for, the one that shook country music up and changed it forever. He pulled the record out from the sleeve and set it on the turn table. His hand was shaking so badly as he lowered the needle onto the spinning disc.

Her voice came through clear, crisp, sweet, and perfect and hit him in the gut like a baseball bat. He collapsed onto the floor, trying to muffle his broken sobs with a pillow. His whole entire body shook violently.

 _I take a breath and turn the key_

 _I never guessed this would take all of me_

 _One more look at what I'm leaving behind_

 _This cloud of dust it's my goodbye_

 _It's a long, long road to independence_

 _But I'm leaving you for Tennessee_

 _I've got demons riding shotgun_

 _Telling me not to go_

 _But what they don't know_

 _Is I'm already gone_

 _They say it's easier as time goes by_

 _Why won't these tears stop falling from my eyes_

 _Letting you go wasn't what I planned_

 _With every mile the more I understand_

 _It's a long, long road to independence_

 _But I'm leaving you for Tennessee_

 _I've got demons riding shotgun_

 _Telling me not to go_

 _But what they don't know_

 _Is I'm already gon_ e

He sat there on the floor like that till the whole side had played. He didn't have it in him to get up and turn the damn thing off. So he just laid there, in the silence that he was left in without her, because she'd been his voice. In the darkness that was around him, because she'd been his light.

He'd been right all along. Music, life, nothing meant anything without her.


	5. Dreams

"Ray" Deacon's voice broke, calling out to her.

"I'm right here, babe," she called back.

"Baby, please come back. I….I'm not ready. God, please don't leave me like this. I don't know how to do this….to breathe…to live…..to get up in the damn morning without you," he cried to her.

She came over and took his hands in hers' and looked him in the eyes.

"You are. You're ready. It's time. I know you can do this. You already are. I'm so proud of you."

"No, I can't—We're not done, baby. I'm not done loving you, I just got you back. There's so much more left. The song can't be over for us. We still have so much music left in us, to write, to sing, to live, to dance to. How can this be it for us? I can't live without you, Ray. We need you," Deacon pleaded with her.

"Babe, we got to love each other, so deeply, so truly, most people don't ever get that much. And that doesn't just end cause I'm gone. I'm right here with you, Deacon. Every single step of the way. You're not alone. I'll be there. Beside, you have the two best pieces of me with you. Keep them safe. You got to love them for two now, okay?"

"I promise, baby."

"I gotta go now."

"No, please! Please, Rayna. Just one more minute. One more second. Please," he pleaded.

She leaned him and held him tightly to her for a moment, then pulled away, and lightly kissed his cheek.

"It's time. I love you, Deacon." She said, letting go of his hands and walking away.

"I love you, Rayna. Forever," he called out, then she was gone.

And that was the first night he dreamt of Rayna Jaymes since the accident. But it wouldn't be the last.


	6. I'd Rather Share With You

**I decided to include another flashback chapter, but will get back to writing chapters on the aftermath of Rayna's death soon. I can't bring myself to write a funeral scene and I want to see how CMT plays out the next episode before making my own decisions cause I need some direction (like how is Teddy out of jail?). So hope you enjoy this one, and please keep commenting and sharing your thoughts, I love feedback.**

"Hey sweet girl, how was your day?" Rayna asked as Daphne climbed into the back seat of the car.

Rayna had a light afternoon at Highway 65 and figured she'd use it it for a little mama time with her girls.

Daphne closed the car door with just enough force for Rayna's motherly instincts to know something was off with her youngest daughter. As their mom, Rayna had long ago figured out the differences in the way her daughters expressed themselves. Maddie was a firecracker and wore her heart on her sleeve. A furrowed brown, her arms crossed against her chest, and dagger eyes were telltale signs with Maddie. It didn't take much for whatever was bothering her to come exploding out.

Daphne was different. She was more introverted and all her sadness and anger was hidden behind her pretty brown eyes. You had to slowly coax whatever was eating at her, out from her heart. When she was little, Rayna would just wrap her in her arms, believing if she held her tight enough, whatever had been broken inside would piece back together.

Rayna couldn't help but attribute these differences to their different fathers and she always felt guilty about it. But there was no denying Maddie had inherited Deacon's passion and temperament and Daphne had gotten some of Teddy's quietness.

"Fine." Daphne said curtly.

"Something bothering you, hon?" Rayna inquired.

"No, I'm just tired that's all." Daphne replied.

They went back to the house and Daphne dropped her backpack down and went straight up to her room without another word.

Rayna picked her backpack off the floor and opened it to empty out her lunch bag. She spied a crumpled up piece of paper at the bottom and unfolded it.

 **FATHER DAUGHTER DANCE THIS FRIDAY**

Rayna sighed and her heart ached for her youngest daughter, realizing the reason for her miserable mood. Teddy being in prison had really affected her and she'd had trouble when Deacon was coming into her life and her own dad was gone from it.

She walked upstairs and lightly knocked on Daphne's door.

"Hey, Daph, can I come in?"

"Sure."

"I just wanted to talk to you about the flyer I found in your bag. Why didn't you tell me there's a father daughter dance? I know things have been really tough with your dad being away and you probably feel left out of the dance. But you know, if you want to go, Deacon would be so happy and honored to take you, sweetie."

"It's a father daughter dance and Deacon is **not** my dad," she said defiantly.

"I know that, baby girl. No one is ever going to replace your dad, not ever. But that doesn't mean Deacon doesn't love you every bit as much as your dad, because I know he does and you should know that too. And you can have more than one dad in your life. Maddie does, I did. My daddy and I didn't get along and he wasn't part of my life most of the time. He was still my daddy, but I had other people who loved me like a dad should. I had Watty looking out for me and Bucky who still does. Babe, I know you have so much love in your heart and loving someone else doesn't push out the people already in your life. Your heart just grows bigger and bigger. You don't have to go to the dance if you don't want to. I know you wished your dad was here to go with you and nothing can fix that. But Deacon can be there for you and he would want to, if you let him," Rayna said.

"But I was just a mistake. You and Deacon were meant to be together all that time. Meant to be a family. And if you had been, I wouldn't be here. You love him, Mom, and you always did. If all that bad stuff hadn't happened you guys wouldn't have ever been apart and you never would've had me."

"Don't you ever say that Daphne! Don't you even think it, not for a moment. Sweet girl, I wouldn't take back a single second, I wouldn't redo a single choice back then. All of it, the good, the bad, it gave me the two most important things in my life. You and your sister. Nothing else matters. Deacon and I made a lot of choices, right and wrong. As much as he would want to fix them, he couldn't imagine his life without you. He loved you unconditionally from the start, knowing you weren't his and Maddie being his daughter doesn't diminish his love for you. Okay?"

"Okay," Daphne mumbled.

"I love you."

"I love you too. When's Deacon coming home? I need to tell him that we have plans Friday."


	7. Sanctuary

**Okay so a large chunk of this one is going to be a flashback mixed in with the present. It's my take on the origin of Rayna's song "Sanctuary" and also how Deacon met Maddie for the first time. It's pretty long, but definitely worth it. Keep commenting and following if you enjoy it!**

The night had been so emotionally draining for all of them. The tribute had been a night to honor and mourn the loss of Rayna and it seemed all of Nashville was right there beside them. Seeing her pictures everywhere had been tough for him and the girls. And them getting up and singing her song without her was so hard. But, in some way he felt that the pain it caused them was different, it was a pain of healing. In the moments when their melodies collided and intertwined, he could almost feel her looking down on them. And he hoped she'd be proud.

"I remember when she wrote 'Sanctuary', the first time she played it for me. That was the same day I met you for the first time, Maddie. Stole my heart right then and there," Deacon said with a pained smile as they drove home.

"She used to sing that to me all the time. When I wouldn't go to sleep or when I was sick. It was one of my favorites," Maddie said, "She used to joke that she'd practically have to sing a whole album to get me to go to bed. I always wanted her to sing 'No One Will Ever Love You'. I called it 'the happy song' back then. I used to think how sweet it was to be loved so specially by somebody. I never realized how hard it must've been for her. But she always sang it, just because I asked, she'd just skip over your part. But when she thought I was sleeping, she'd sing that part to herself and I swear I used to see a tear fall."

It'd been a little after they started working together again since she'd married Teddy and he'd gotten out of rehab. They were still learning where the lines were in their new, fragile relationship and tiptoeing around each other trying to ignore the fact that there was oceans of unfinished history between them.

"I was just wondering if maybe I could run a song by you. I think the lyrics are strong, but I just don't think the guitar part is as good as it could be and I was thinking…..uh…maybe you could help me with that part," she said.

It was definitely a big step for them. They hadn't worked by themselves yet or on any new material. Mostly, just playing a few shows here and there and getting ready for their big tour. Her set included most of her big hit classics that he already knew. But he'd noticed all _their_ songs were gone and that there were a few new additions like "The Best Songs Come From Broken Hearts". They hadn't gone anywhere near songwriting. They still hadn't figured out what that looked like for them as strictly professional. Usually they'd done their best work laying naked together in bed just pouring their hearts out, but that obviously wasn't an option here.

"Yeah, of course, Ray. Um, when do you want to get together?" he asked.

"I was thinking maybe tomorrow afternoon. There's a park I go to with Maddie, she can usually get a nap in and it's quiet and private and you know….neutral for us," Rayna said, her eyes not meeting his.

"That works for me. I'll see you then," he said.

They'd met in the park at the designated time. She was struggling to carry the bulky guitar case as well as maneuver the stroller and balance a diaper bag.

He jogged over to her and took the guitar case from her hands and bag off her shoulder.

"Thanks, Deacon."

"So, I finally get to meet this little one huh."

"Yes, you do," Rayna said.

He could tell from her voice that she was nervous about this whole meeting. Him and her working together again. Having the baby here, a physical symbol of the life she was building with someone that wasn't him all colliding together.

She reached into the stroller and cradled the baby in her arms.

"Maddie, this is your Uncle Deacon," Rayna cooed as she turned the baby towards him, so he could see her wide little eyes looking out at him.

Rayna had been deciding this on the drive here. She had already known that today she was gonna have Deacon see Maddie for the first time. She could've easily had Tandy watch her, but she wanted this moment between the three of them. She wanted to give Deacon the privacy of seeing his daughter for the first time, without the glaring eyes of Teddy. She felt so guilty about not telling him, guilty to Teddy for feeling guilty about not telling Deacon. She was also incredibly nervous. What if Deacon saw what Rayna saw each and everyday in her daughter: him. Her scrunched up little face when she was fussy, the ways her eyes intently stared out at you. She saw more and more as she was growing and she was scared to death he'd see her and ask why she didn't tell him Maddie was his.

Deacon was probably going to be around her a lot with the tour coming up and through the rest of their lives. So, Rayna had decided she wanted him to be more than just her guitar player, more than just an old friend to Maddie. So she'd decided that from now on he'd be "Uncle Deacon". She hadn't told Teddy yet. But she didn't care. For all intents and purposes, Teddy was Maddie's dad. Rayna would never betray that, betray what he did for them. Rayna just wanted to give Deacon this little piece, this one thing, because they'd never have everything they should've. They couldn't be husband and wife, or lovers, or a family, so she wanted to give him "Uncle Deacon". Even if it only soothed her conscience.

"She's beautiful, Rayna, she's every bit of you," Deacon said with a pained smile.

Deacon had been surprised by her statement, but didn't mention it. It was an olive branch, a peace offering and he gladly took it. It should've been him married to Rayna, having kids, building a life, but he'd lost that. But this baby, this beautiful little girl, she was still Rayna's and that's all that mattered to him.

"You wanna hold her?" Rayna offered cautiously.

"Yes." Deacon said without hesitation.

Rayna slowly carried her over to him, gently placing her in the cradle of his arms.

"Remember to-" she instructed.

"Support the head, I remember, Ray, from Scarlett."

"Yes, yes of course. You were so good with her."

Rayna could barely hold back the tears in her eyes. It was a mix of intense joy and immense sadness and loss for what could've been, but would never be.

Deacon looked down at Maddie and was immediately won over. He was happy for her. Happy that she'd gotten what he couldn't give her. She was a mama and she was a great one at that. He knew how important family was for her and how she wanted to give her kids the support she never had growing up. She'd get to do that.

"Are you happy, Ray?" Deacon asked.

"Being her mama makes me incredibly happy. I didn't know how much I'd love her, how deeply I could love this little person," Rayna replied.

"That's not what I asked," Deacon responded.

"There are so many happy moments."

Deacon looked in her eyes and saw just for a second a flash of sadness cross them that made him drop the subject. He looked down at Maddie and saw that she was dozing off.

"Here, I think this little one needs a nap," Deacon said, gently placing her back into Rayna's arms.

Rayna, letting out a breath of relief, laid Maddie down softly into the stroller.

"So, how about that song?" Deacon asked.

"I'll play what I have so far and then tell me what you think," Rayna said as she opened up the guitar case.

She set herself up and slowly started playing.

 _Turn the light off, go to bed, tell me all about the day you had._

 _Lay beside me, it's time to rest._

 _You can close your eyes, you've done your best._

 _Let me be your sanctuary_

 _Let me be your safe place to fall_

 _I can take away your worries_

 _The refuge from it all_

 _Oh this time, we have together, is our shelter from the rain_

 _I will share the way you carried_

 _Let me be your sanctuary_

 _We have weathered through the storms_

 _Taken comfort in each other's arms_

 _When the dark clouds, come again_

 _I will lift you up and take you in_

 _Let me be your sanctuary_

 _Let me your safe place to fall_

 _I can take away your worries_

 _The refuge from it all_

 _Oh this time, that we have together, is our shelter from the rain_

 _I will share the way you carried_

 _Let me be your sanctuary_

 _I will share this way you carry_

 _Let me be your sanctuary_

"I know it probably needs more work, especially the music but-"

"Rayna, it's perfect. The lyrics are beautiful and the music compliments it perfectly without taking away from the words."

"Are you sure? I mean the chords aren't too simple? I haven't really written on my own since…I mean in awhile"

"You don't need anyone else, Ray. The song can stand up by itself, just like you."

"Thanks, Deacon."

"Who's it about?"

"I don't really know. I've been thinking about my mama a lot since Maddie, and trying to learn how to be one for her on my own. I started it and the rest just flowed out. I want to be all that for her. I want to be a good mother, but how am I supposed to know without my own?" Rayna said, her voice cracking a little.

"Rayna Jaymes, you are going to be a great mama for that little girl. You are so strong for everybody around you, you protect them and you love them as hard as you can. That's all she'll ever need."

"I still need you, Deacon, as my friend, as an artist. I want to start writing again and I want you to be a part of that. But it has to be different this time. There are…certain boundaries that I need from us. I want you in my life and my career. You helped me get here and I think I'll go farther with you along for the ride. So, if you can do that, if we can figure this out, I'd like for that to happen."

"Of course, Rayna. Anything for you."

Deacon's mind fell out of the memory, back into reality.

"I don't like it. Every song I hear hurts too much. Music used to help ease the pain. Now it's causing it. Every song is a sad one because mom's not here," Daphne whispered.

"I know, baby girl. It might feel like that for awhile. But don't shut the music out. It's okay to feel sad like that. The music will heal you eventually. Your mama would want you to have music to turn to. To hear her songs and remember her smiling, and singing and happy. I know it. So take your time. The music will be waiting for you when you're ready."

"She'd want us to be together. All three of us. To take care of each other and hold onto each other. I just know it. She wouldn't want it any other way and neither would I. I love you, Deacon," Daphne said.

"I love you too, Daphne. And you know what, I think you're right."


	8. Oh, Baby

**Another flashback, this time it's my take on Rayna telling Deacon she's pregnant with Daphne and some of the feelings it brings up for both of them. Please leave comments and favorite/follow the story if you like it!**

Rayna had been dreading telling Deacon she was pregnant again all week. Teddy had been over the moon excited and Rayna couldn't help but wonder if some of that was because this one would be his. She knew how unfair it was of her to even think that, after all he'd done for her, for Maddie, and how incredible he was as a dad and a husband, but still her mind went there. Tandy and her daddy were so happy too. When she'd told them she could almost see in their eyes what they wanted to say.

 _See, I told you he was the right choice. The safe one. The one who'd give you stability, a life, a family._

For the most part they'd been right. Teddy and she had their occasional fights and bumps in the road, but overall they were good. Rayna finally was in a place where she actually felt happy, content, and satisfied with her life. The first year had be so hard, trying to let go of what could've been and letting go of that dream. But, watching her daughter grow up into this happy little girl, each day Rayna was more sure she had made the right decision. But it didn't ease her guilt one bit.

Rayna's hand fluttered to her stomach protectively as she thought about the conversation she was about to have. She was excited too, honestly. This pregnancy would hopefully be a lot less stressful and she'd know what to expect. She'd love being a mama and couldn't wait to have a sibling for Maddie. She also knew that in some ways it'd be different. She wondered if this baby would have Teddy's eyes, if she'd been able to tell the difference right away. What if she looked nothing like Maddie?

Deacon's voice drew her out of her own thoughts.

"Hey, Ray. Bucky said you wanted to see me before I left?" he asked, standing in the doorway of her dressing room.

"Yeah, I did. Can we talk for a second?"

"Yep, no problem."

He stepped inside, still keeping the distance between them.

"Can you also just shut the door please?" she asked.

"Of course. What's on your mind, Ray?"

"I just wanted to tell you…um…before you hear it from anyone else. I'm pregnant, again. I'm going to tell the crew in a couple weeks, it's still a little early, but I just thought you should hear it straight from me. I'm gonna finish out the tour and hopefully I won't be showing too much by then. And then I can stay home with the baby and you know, start the new album, just be home more…" Rayna trailed off.

"Wow, congratulations, Ray. That's..uh..great. I'm real happy for you," he said, trying not to give himself away.

"Thank you."

Rayna could see the hurt in his eyes, but she could tell he was really trying to be happy for her.

"So, that all?" Deacon asked.

"Yeah, that's it. I'll um see you tomorrow, I guess."

He turned toward the door and was just about the walk out.

"Hey, Deacon. I'm sorry," Rayna called out.

"For what, Ray? You don't have anything to apologize for."

"Nothing…..Everything."

"I'll see you tomorrow, Rayna. Pass along my congrats to Teddy," he said and walked out the door.

He had known what she meant. This baby, that was it. She was really with him. I mean they'd been married for about three years now and already had Maddie, but somehow this made it seem more real to him than ever before. He'd been in rehab when they'd gotten married and she'd been pregnant. He hadn't been here to witness how he'd lost her to another man. But this, this felt like it was damn near gonna kill him. Watching her grow with another man's child inside her. Seeing that glow take over her. He wasn't sure he was going to be able to do it.

He'd been sober ever since that last time out of rehab. Coleman had said it had to be for himself. But that was a damn lie. He was sober because of Rayna and he stayed sober for her. He stayed sober in the hopes that one day she'd just look over at him and realize how much he still loved her. How he still wanted her and dreamed about a future with her. He wanted her to be happy, but some part of him hoped that it wouldn't work with Teddy and that she'd make her way back to him.

But this pregnancy, it killed any hopes of those dreams every coming true. Rayna had this whole life he wasn't a part of. This _family._ There was this house she came home to with a husband waiting for her and a little girl she probably sung to sleep every night when she tucked her in. He got the singer part of Rayna, the artist, the songwriter. But Teddy, he got all the other parts. The wife, the mother, the Rayna when she wakes up in the morning so perfectly natural, the Rayna who hums old country songs when she's in the kitchen and doesn't even know it. Teddy had all these little parts of Rayna and all Deacon had was the past.

Every fiber in his being was pushing Deacon to go to the nearest bar he could. But, instead, he took himself to a meeting. And another one. And another one. Until the urge stopped.


	9. Old Habits Die Hard

**Just another flashback that ties into Rayna being pregnant w/ Daphne. Definitely going to have a chapter after watching tonights episode (which was amazingly beautiful and heartbreaking at the same time)! Keep letting me know what you think!**

"Thank god! I cannot wait to just crawl into bed and get the heck out of these heels," Rayna groaned as they walked off the stage after their concert in Chicago.

"Hell of a show, Ray. I don't know how you're doing it, especially now, considering….." Deacon trailed off.

He could see the extra toll the last leg of the tour was taking on her now that she was pregnant. She was wearing looser clothing on stage, she had this subtle glow to her skin, and he could see the slight increased definition in her curves. He doubted this was noticeable to anyone else, but he was more attuned to Rayna than he was to himself. He knew every single part of her and could sense even the slightest change in her behavior.

"Well, thanks, Deacon. I just can't wait to finish up this tour. It's been amazing and everything, but I just wanna be back home, in Nashville, ya know?"

"Yeah, I do," Deacon said, but it was a lie.

Nashville wasn't his home and when he went back after the tour, he'd go to a silent house and an empty fridge. This tour, being on stage with her, that was home. And he wasn't in any rush to be exiled from it again.

"Ugh, you know what I miss the most? The food! My god, I just want some fried chicken from Hattie B's right now. Oh! Or the burger and fries from that one place in East Nashville, you know the one I'm talking about, they have they best milkshakes! I'd kill for one right now," Rayna gushed.

"You always did love those. You know, there's that place just around the corner that's open pretty late. You could probably use something to eat after that show and I doubt another night of hotel food is that appealing," Deacon offered.

Rayna bit her lip and contemplated it. They'd been really doing so well together, she wondered if this was crossing a line or if her saying no would ruin the progress they'd been making. She really could use a good meal and she'd missed just talking to him like this. He was her bandleader and still her good friend. One dinner out on tour couldn't do much harm.

"I'd love to," Rayna responded.

They made their way over to the place and were happy to find that it wasn't very busy. If anyone recognized them, they didn't bother to make it known.

Rayna ordered a hamburger with extra bacon, a side of fries and a chocolate milkshake with whip cream. Rayna spied Deacon grinning as the waitress left after taking their order.

"What's so funny over there?" Rayna asked.

"Nothing, nothing I swear."

"Are you shaming a pregnant woman for eating?" Rayna joked, making sure no one else was within earshot as she said it.

"I would never!" Deacon said, holding up his hands in defense.

She smiled and laughed. It'd been a long time since they'd just joked around like this. Since they had a conversation without feeling like they were walking on eggshells or broken glass.

The conversation flowed easily and naturally. They mostly discussed music, new artists they'd been listening, song ideas that'd been on their mind. They reminisced about the early days out on the road and talked about their mutual friends who they hadn't seen in awhile.

"Do you remember that time a skunk got into our tour bus?" Deacon said.

"Oh my god, of course I do. We were out only God knows where in Alabama."

"You walked into the bathroom and I swear I will never get that high-pitched little scream you did. You came storming out of there all flustered hollering 'Help! Deacon!' I think the whole state of Alabama heard you!"

"Oh I remember quite clearly. I also remember the smell! They claimed it was all cleaned out but that stench never quite went away."

"Those were some crazy day weren't they?"

"Yeah, they sure were."

They sat in silence for a moment and there it was. They'd managed to keep it away the whole night, but it still crept up on them. They gone just a little too far down memory lane, just towards the edge of the valley that went down 15 years of history deep.

"It's late and we have an early morning. We should probably start heading back," Rayna suggested.

"Yeah, you're right."

"I'm glad we did this, Deacon. I needed it."

He smiled back with a mix of joy and sadness. He'd wondered if he'd seen it too behind the mask she wore. If he'd heard it in her voice behind the guard she'd kept it up. If maybe what she'd really meant, but what she couldn't say was _"I needed_ _you_ _."_

"Me too, Ray."

They headed back out and walked slowly in silence. It wasn't the awkward kind that sometimes came as baggage with their past. Instead, it was the kind that old couples had. When they'd already had said it all, when words weren't needed but instead the comforting absence of words that were just not adequate.

Suddenly as they rounded the corner towards their hotel, a mob of paparazzi and cameras flashes bombarded them.

 _"_ _Rayna! Rayna! Are you and Teddy separating!?"_

 _"_ _Are you leaving your husband for former flame Deacon Claybourne!?"_

 _"_ _Is the tour just like old times Rayna!?"_

 _"_ _Where's your husband?"_

 _"_ _Who's getting custody of Maddie?!"_

Deacon instinctively wrapped his arm around her waist, trying to shield her. They were completely surrounded and barely able to push through. Rayna had put her head towards his chest and was trying to block her face with her hands.

 _"_ _This was ridiculous, they were practically being attacked. They were shoving camera lenses in their faces. She was pregnant for Christ's sake! They needed to back off," Deacon thought to himself._

One reporter reached out and grabbed Rayna's arm. Without a second thought, Deacon pushed the guy hard away from her and onto the ground.

"Get your hands off of her!" he shouted.

They quickly made their way through and finally into the safety of the hotel lobby.

"I'm sorry, Rayna. I mean, that guy just grabbed you and I reacted. It was just instinct. Are you okay?"

"It's okay. I'm fine. That was…..just a little intense that's all. And thank you. It's not the first time you've taken someone down for me," Rayna joked, trying to lighten the mood and shake off the sense of intimacy that had come over since they'd been so close together.

"Old habits die hard, I guess."

"I'm sure the press is going to have a field day with that one," Rayna mused.

"Yeah, sorry about that. Hope I don't get you in too much trouble at home."

"Oh, it's fine. The press always finds something to talk about. They can make a story out of anything. I mean did you hear the things they were shouting? They're gonna believe what they want no matter what I do, so I just gotta live my life and ignore them."

"You sure you're fine? With the….baby and all?"

"Yes, I am. Thank you, Deacon. I should probably give Bucky and Teddy a heads up, just in case it hits the media soon."

"Yeah, yeah of course. I'll see you tomorrow, Ray."

"Goodnight, Deacon."


	10. The Secrets We Keep

**okay so this has actually been really bothering me and inspired this chapter. I've been really wondering if Bucky knew about Maddie being Deacon's daughter. I feel like it would've been too much of a betrayal to Deacon if even Bucky knew the truth and not him, but I also can't imagine Rayna not telling him especially for business sake. They never really addressed this in the show so I figured I'd do it myself.**

"Hey, Ray. How you doin'? How are you feeling?" Bucky asked as they made their way into the living room.

Rayna had gotten out of the hospital a few days ago after finally being cleared by the doctors once she'd come out of the coma. She was under strict orders to take it easy for awhile, but figured a quick strategy meeting with Bucky wouldn't be too much for her to handle.

She knew he'd been to the hospital while she was still unconscious and she'd received his flowers. She also knew that he _knew._ Tandy had warned her about it, telling her that it was necessary at this point. There was definitely tension and distance in their relationship that had never been there before. Bucky had been through it all with her, he was like her father. She had told him everything. He was her sounding board and she'd trust him with her life.

She couldn't have told him back then. It just felt wrong if too many people knew when Deacon didn't. As if this one small act of integrity really made any difference in light of the betrayal Rayna had already committed to one man in her life. Rayna never thought it would be an issue between them because she was truly convinced that this was going to stay in the past where it belonged.

"Bucky, I'm sorry. We always have been so honest with each other about everything and I feel awful that I've kept this from you. It's just— I didn't have a choice. I made a commitment to Teddy, a commitment that Maddie was his daughter and I had to honor that."

"Rayna, you don't have to explain yourself to me. I'm your manager and I understand that there are somethings that are personal to your life that I'm not a part of."

"Bucky, you are much more than a manager to me. I've looked up to you ever since I was a sixteen year old girl trying to make it in the industry. You're family."

"Thank you, Rayna. I know it must have been incredibly hard for you. All those years keeping that a secret all the time. I just wished I would have know so I could've helped you. And so I could protect you and Maddie in case this ever gets out. If I had known back then, I wouldn't have been so strong to have Deacon come back into the band. Maybe, this wouldn't have happened."

"No one could've seen this coming. No one could've stopped it. Me and Deacon have always had this thing that keeps pulling us back together. In the end, it always ends up near killing us both. This was it, Buck. I'm done. I gotta move on and not look back. I almost was taken from my girls forever and I'm not doing that again."

"So I guess this means we definitely need to find you a new guitar player?" Bucky joked.

Rayna laughed and grimaced at the slight pain it caused in her side.

"Yes, Bucky. I think that's something I can safely bet on."


	11. What If

**I always wondered if things would have been different for Deacon if Rayna had told him about Maddie rather than Maddie finding out and telling Deacon, so I figured I'd construct a conversation about this between Rayna and Deacon during the time they're married.**

"Hey, babe, are you awake?" Rayna whispered in the darkness of their bedroom.

It was late already and Rayna hadn't been able to fall asleep. Her mind was restless and was wading back into the past and spiraling down into their history. She got like this every once in awhile. The whirlpool of their past would every so often suck her in and throw her back into it. She'd relive their fights and contemplate all the what-ifs that surround their relationship. For some time, she'd be completely lost to the present and kept from the future before her. But eventually, Deacon would wrap his arms around her, whisper something reassuring in her ear and she'd be brought back. Back to their present. Back to the fact that they were married, that they'd made it, and that was all that mattered.

"Mhmmmm," Deacon mumbled, obviously not very awake at all.

"I wanna ask you something. I don't want to start a fight with you or bring up all our old demons. I'm just wonderin'. So don't get mad, okay?" she warned him.

"Okay. What's on your mind, Ray?" he asked, his eyes still closed.

"Do you think, it would have made a difference, I mean to you, if I had told you about Maddie. I mean told you myself. I don't know when, maybe when we were together after the divorce. Would it have changed anything for you?"

That woke him up. He turned over so that he was facing her and sat up straight against the pillows. He bit his lip and his eyebrows scrunched together as he contemplated the idea.

After a heavy, thick silence, he finally let out a breath and said, "I don't know, Ray. Would I have still gone and drank away 15 years of sobriety. Hell, maybe. I don't know if anything would have stopped me from doing that. I was just so angry, and hurt, and betrayed. You had been the one constant in my life. Yeah, sure we weren't together all the time and you were with Teddy and we fought still. But, no matter what, you were the one thing I was sure of. I never doubted that ever, until then. I thought it changed everything. I thought it changed who you were to me and I was just blinded by the hurt of it all. But knowing that it was your choice. That you were choosing to maybe let me be a part of her life. Maybe it would have been some consolation versus knowing that if Maddie hadn't found what she did, I might have never known."

"Okay," Rayna said, swallowing the lump in her throat, part of her regretting she'd asked.

"Darlin', I'm sorry. I didn't mean for that to hurt you. You know I know why you did it. That it was the right thing to do. You protected our baby girl in the best way you could and I'm grateful for that, Rayna. I truly am. If you'd told me right from the start, I probably would've ruined my relationship with Maddie forever and never have gotten to be a parent. And maybe I needed those 15 years of sobriety to be strong enough to get back on the wagon again if I ever fell off. So, yeah, maybe it scares me thinking about what if Maddie hadn't told me. But, it's a hell of a lot scarier thinking about things not being the way they are right now. You and me, in this bed, raising our girls up together, working through all this. I think about that and all the rest just falls away."

"You know, I love you so much, Deacon."

"I love you too, Ray. Now c'mere. Go to sleep, and dream something sweet," he said and he snuggled her closer to his chest.


	12. Hard Staying Sober

**After seeing Frankie celebrate his sobriety anniversary, I wrote this chapter about Deacon's 2 years of sobriety and all the emotions that would bring about.**

"Mornin', babe," Rayna said as Deacon walked into the kitchen, still in his pajamas and hair slightly messy, looking sexy as hell.

He came behind her and wrapped his arms around her waist, turning his neck to kiss her on the cheek.

"Mornin' to you too."

"Coffee?" Rayna asked as she reached for the pot.

"Mhmmm."

"So, what have you got planned for the day? I was thinking maybe we could grab lunch together?" Rayna asked.

"I'll probably stop by the bar and make sure everything is set for the open mic tonight. And actually, in the afternoon, I'm…uh…going to a meeting. It's my two year sobriety 'birthday' and Scarlett insisted she come out and bring a cake to it and all."

"Deacon! Why didn't you tell me before! I wanna be there."

Deacon had been trying to get around telling her. He wasn't going to make a big deal out of it to anyone except Scarlett had remembered and refused to let it go. He knew if Rayna knew she'd want to come, but for some reason it just felt weird to him. All the years he spent going to meetings, telling practically complete strangers about his struggles, about his desire to stay sober for Rayna. It felt weird having her be there too, in the place where he went to find the strength to be the man she deserved.

The fact that it was his two year sobriety birthday was also a painful reminder of the fact that he'd again failed her after getting drunk when he found out about Maddie. He remembered those first few years after he was out of rehab for the last time and back in her band. He'd been so proud to show her his chip each year, small little symbols of how he was trying to be better for her, even if she didn't see it then. For his 10th, she'd stopped by his house with a wrapped box in her hand.

"Ray, you didn't have to do this," he'd told her.

"Oh, it's just a little something. I just wanted to know how proud I am of you, really, Deacon."

She'd given him a smooth, leather guitar strap that had his name imprinted on it and he used it for every show since.

"Rayna, you don't have to come. It's not going to be a big thing. It's just a small meeting in some church basement with bad coffee and stale donuts."

"Hey! Family and your support system are important parst of your recovery process. And I _want_ to be there to celebrate with you, Deacon," she insisted.

"Okay, okay," he conceded.

"Just tell me when and where and I'll be there."

"Rayna coming today?" Scarlett whispered to Deacon as they sat in the chairs set up in the basement of a local church.

"Yeah, she said was."

Just as he finished saying it, he saw her coming down the stairs. She scanned the room, her eyes landing on them, and made her way over.

"Sorry, I got held up in a meeting. Did I miss it?"

 _"_ _We'd like to invite one of our own and his family up to the front today, to celebrate his two year birthday."_

"Nope, right on time," he responded and the three of them made their way up to the front.

Scarlett and Rayna stood off to one side and he stood in the center to give a little speech as was customary.

"I'll keep this short and sweet. I just want to thank y'all for being here for me, for hearing me out and helping me fight this fight we all share together. I got my beautiful wife and niece here today and they have made me a better man and have pushed me to be a stronger one for them. We always say that sobriety is a daily battle, and I wouldn't be able to do it without you guys by my side each and every day of it. Thank you."

Scarlett had lit the candles on the cake and had it ready as Deacon finished speaking. The whole room joined together to sing him "Happy Birthday".

Rayna couldn't help but have tears in her eyes as he blew out the candles. This was a big day for him, for them and she had this overwhelming feeling of joy and pride for the man he was.

"Thanks for being here, baby," he said and leaned down to kiss her lips.

"I wouldn't miss it for anything. I'm so proud of you, Deacon."

"This is how it always should've been and how it'll always be," he responded.

She could hear the guilt and self-blame in his voice as he said it. She wanted to tell him to stop, to stop putting that on himself. Instead, she pulled him towards her and kissed him deeply.

She put her hands on his cheeks and looked him in the eyes and said, "I love you, Deacon. So, so much, babe," hoping he could see the forgiveness in her eyes and hear the meaning in her voice.

"I love you, too, Rayna. C'mon, let's go home."

Back at the house, she grabbed the present she had been waiting to give him for when they were by themselves.

He unwrapped the present and opened the box to see a large photo album inside. He flipped it open and began to scan through the pages. It was filled with photos of them and the girls. Old ones from when they were dating and the early days out on tour. The majority were from the past couple years. A few from the past couple holidays and birthdays they'd celebrated together. There were some candids of Maddie, Daphne, and him laughing and making silly faces. There were a bunch from their wedding. Him and Rayna during their first dance, looking madly into each other's eyes. Deacon twirling around Daphne and Maddie.

It was all their best moments, the happiest, the big ones and the small ones he cherished each and every day. He was getting misty eyed just looking at it all and how happy he was that he had them in his life every single day.

"I feel like sometimes we look back and we only see all the darkness in our past. All the pain and heart ache. I wanted to give you something to remind you of all the good stuff. Something you can look back on, especially when it gets tough to see it," Rayna said.

"It's perfect, Ray. Thank you, for everything."


	13. Love and Assets

**I wanted to write this chapter just to kind of show how Rayna's marriage to Deacon was so fundamentally different from her's to Teddy or Luke and after rewatching the episode where Rayna and Luke discuss a prenup, I was inspired to write this.**

"So, how are you feeling? Nervous? Excited?" Tandy asked as they sat down at Rayna's kitchen counter.

"No nerves," Rayna stated firmly, "I'm only worried about the press ruining our day by finding out the details. I never felt this way before, with Teddy or Luke. I'm just so…sure. It feels so right with us, just took us awhile to figure out. But it's about damn time we did."

"I'm happy for you, Rayna," Tandy said.

"Yeah, but I don't think you're happy about it."

"I'm happy that you're happy. And that's all that matters to me, hon."

"Well, thank you. For coming out early and helping get everything ready. It means a lot that you're here."

"Of course. So, have you and Deacon figured out the papers?" Tandy asked.

"What papers?"

"For your prenup agreement. You guys have a prenup agreement, right?"

"No, Tandy. Me and Deacon do not have a prenup agreement."

"Rayna, are you kidding me? You have to be smart about this. Prenup agreements are to protect you both, to protect the girls' futures, and Highway 65, and your artists. Everything you've worked so hard for. I'm not saying you guys are going to break up, but if you did, you're putting all of that at risk."

"Tandy, this is not just anyone. This is Deacon we're talking about. You really think after all this time, everything we've put each other through, that he's in this for the money? C'mon now! Me and Deacon are not splitting up, not now and not ever."

"Rayna, you can't say that for sure. It doesn't mean you love each other any less. It just means you're being cautious and prepared. This could affect your business. And if you have such faith in your relationship, why not just do it anyways?"

"I'm going to say this once and then we are never speaking about this again. This relationship and this marriage are not some business deal. The only contract Deacon and I are entering is the contract of marriage. The only conditions we are going to be bound to is our vows. And it's about principle, about what a prenup even represents. This conversation is over."

"So, how was your day, darlin'," Deacon probed gently as they were getting ready for bed.

Rayna was sitting in front of her vanity performing her nightly moisturizing ritual. Deacon could tell something was off with her the whole night. The way she was vigorously rubbing the lotion into her skin, like it'd done something to her.

"Fine."

"You sure? Seems like something is bothering you."

"Why would you say that?"

"Because I've seen you put that bottle of lotion up and down three times by now and I'm pretty sure you've used enough of it to be wrinkle free for life. Just tell me Ray, what is it?"

"It's just something Tandy said today. She brought up a prenup agreement and we kind of got into a fight about it. I told her no way in hell we were having one and that was that."

Deacon was pretty surprised by this. He knew Tandy didn't like him or approve of him for Rayna. He understood why. She'd seen the roughest sides of him and she'd seen the hell he'd put Rayna through. But he never thought that she could possibly think he was after Rayna's money.

In fact, it made Deacon laugh just thinking about it.

"Well, if I really wanted to find a rich wife I'm sure there would have been easier ways that could've save me a whole lot of time," Deacon joked.

"I told her pretty much the same thing. She went on and on about protecting Highway 65 and what I've worked for, like this wedding was about business and not us beginning our forever."

"I mean I understand where's she's coming from. She wants to protect you, from me. And baby, I'll sign whatever you want me to sign. It's doesn't matter because to me because, you and me and what we've got going isn't ending anytime soon. As long as I get to make you my wife at the end of it all, I'll be the happiest man alive."

"Well, that's real sweet, babe. But, it's about even the idea of a prenup that just makes my blood boil! This marriage is about our love, our family, and everything we've been through and our commitment to our future. The thought of drawing up some contract with some lawyer discussing our assets and conditions for our separation, makes me sick. So, Tandy can take that little prenup of hers and shove it where the sun don't shine for all I care. It's not happening."

"Well then, my rich and extremely hot soon-to-be wife, is also very very bossy."

"Damn straight, she is. And she's ordering you to come to bed with her right now."

"Better follow those orders then if I know what's good for me."

"Mhmmm. And I promise, it'll be very, very good for you."


	14. You Save Me, I Save You

**I'm finally back now with more Deyna flashbacks. As Nashville is nearing its end, I still can but imagine the future Deacon and Rayna could have had, so I'll keep delving into moments of their past. This one takes place after Beverly's funeral and dives deeper into the complex emotions that that situation brought on.**

Rayna quietly hung up her black dress, placing it towards the back of the closet in the hopes she wouldn't be needing it anytime soon. Rayna had always hated black dresses. They reminded her of death and funerals. She still remembered when she was a little girl and her mama had just died. She asked Tandy is they could go out and get her a new black dress. When Tandy asked why she couldn't wear one she already had, Rayna explained that whatever dress she wore to say goodbye to her mama, she didn't want to ever see again.

It had been an exhausting day. The last couple months, overall, were draining in every way: emotionally and physically. It seemed they had been on this rollercoaster of emotions and hope. Her and Deacon finally making their way back to each other, only to have his cancer looming over their future. Then to almost getting a transplant, then not. Then there was Beverly who refused to donate and then finally came around. Only then there were complications and she was in a coma, but she got better only to get worse and not make it.

Rayna could see how much Deacon was struggling and it killed her. She wished he would just let her in, but she knew there wasn't much she could do to ease his pain. She also knew exactly where his mind was going. She could see the self-blame in his eyes and how much of this he was putting on himself, even when he shouldn't be. But that was Deacon being Deacon.

She walked over to the bed where he was sitting, undoing the cufflink on his sleeves. She interrupted his hands and wrapped hers around his.

"Hey, how are you, babe?" Rayna asked, concern filling her voice.

"I don't even know. Numb, I guess," Deacon responded.

"I know-," Rayna went to say, but he cut her off.

"No, you don't know, Rayna," he said as he pulled his hands away from hers.

He got up and paced in front of her, rubbing his hands over his face.

"You have no idea what this is like. This, this is my fault. My sister is dead because of me. I'm the one who should've been protecting her. But instead I had to drag her into my mess. I did this to myself, wasted years being a no-good drunk and in the end she paid for it. Not me. My own sister. And now what am I supposed to do? Grieve, move on? I'm supposed to just go live my life on stolen time. Why should I get to be happy, have a family when she doesn't get anything at all, not anymore?" Deacon said, his voice breaking at the end.

"Deacon, you can't think like that. This is not your fault. Beverly loved you and she wanted to do this for you. And life was unfair and cruel and took her from you. But Bev didn't die so you could live. It wasn't one or the other. Sometimes things just happen. And this was one of them."

"Things don't just happen, Ray. _I_ happened to her. The people around me, the people I love, they get hurt because of me. If I hadn't been out drinking way back when, if it hadn't let Vince drive, then maybe he'd still be here. And then I went and did it again and almost killed you too. Almost left the girls without a mama. But that wasn't enough for me either 'cause I had to go and wreck Beverly too."

"It's not that simple, Deacon," Rayna whispered. It hurt her heart to know Deacon felt like this. That he shouldered all of this weight, taking all the pain around him and keeping it inside.

"It is. You should've just let me go, Rayna. You should've let me go to die. I should've been stronger and walked away."

"Don't say that. You don't mean it."

"I do. But you had to try and fix me, try and save me. Like I've caused you to do a hundred times over. You couldn't just let me accept fate! You went down to Natchez with your million dollar check and you begged Bev to save me. Well guess what! Here I am! I'm saved now. Except, Beverly's the one who paid the price. You should've just let me be, but you never did learn to stop trying to save things that can't be saved."

"How dare you, Deacon Claybourne! You always think you're not worth anything, that you're just broken and you push everyone in your life away when things get tough. I didn't try and fix you, I fought for you, for us and our family. And I would do it all over again. I fought so that our daughter would get to grow up with her dad, so you could walk her down the aisle at her wedding and every moment in between. And every time I look at you with Maddie and Daphne, I know what I fought for. And if that's my fault and you wanna hate me for it, then I'm fine with that. But don't you ever say I should've let you go," Rayna said with tears welling in her eyes.

They stood their for a moment, letting the fighting words they said hang in the air, heavy and thick. Then without a word Deacon stormed out of their bedroom and down the stair case. She heard the garage door open and shortly after heard his truck peel out of the driveway.

—-

 _Rayna_

She hit his name again on her phone, not exactly sure why she thought he'd answer on the 10th call but she couldn't do nothing. She'd texted and left him voicemails. She just needed to know he was okay.

 _"Hey you've reached Deacon. Leave me a message and I'll get back to you soon as I can"_

"It's me again, babe. Please just let me know you're alright. I'm worried. I just need to hear your voice."

He was still recovering from surgery and hadn't been taking it easy like he should have the last couple of weeks. And with all the added on stress, she couldn't stop her mind from wandering. Every cell in her body was anxious as she envisioned the worst case scenario.

Deacon drinking out at some bar, or his car wrapped around a telephone pole, or him passed out unconscious on the floor somewhere.

She couldn't help but shudder at how similar the voicemail she left mirrored the one from a few years back after he found out about Maddie and she called him before Juliette's mom's funeral.

She was mad as hell. Furious at what he said to her. But she knew how much pain he was in. And Deacon had always felt pain in such a raw way. It was the same thing she saw in Maddie. It was one of the things she loved about him, but it also made it so hard sometimes. She wrapped a blanket around herself and laid down on the couch in the living room, hoping she'd hear the door open soon.

—-

 _Deacon_

He put his truck into drive and flung out of the driveway as quick as he could. He didn't know where he was going but he sure as hell needed to get out of there. He couldn't look into Rayna's eye and see the hurt he'd caused, just more pain to add onto the damage he's already done her. He didn't wanna see the pity in her eyes, her burning need to try and save him.

He had been making turns almost subconsciously, and before he knew it, he'd ended up outside a bar he used to frequent in the old days. He gritted his teeth and circled around the block a few times.

It was like his old instincts were kicking in and all he wanted to do was numb the searing pain he felt. He could almost imagine the way the bottle would feel against his lips, the slow burn down his throat. That was a pain he was familiar with, like an old friend to him.

He gripped the steering wheel hard, watching his knuckles turn white. As he passed the neon lights once again, he slammed his foot down on the gas before he had a chance to change his mind.

He sped over to East Nashville and saw Scarlett's truck wasn't parked at the house.

 _Probably at staying at Gunnar's and Avery's place._

Just one other person in his life he seemed to have driven away and hurt.

Deacon parked the car and went into the house, slamming the door behind him. As he heard it slam into the door frame, he felt the tiniest sense of relief.

He then stormed into the room he had prepared for Beverly, for after she came home from the hospital, the one she'd never sleep in.

Before he knew it, he was reaching for anything he could grab onto and smashing it. The house sounded like a tornado was rolling through it as glass slammed against the ground from the picture frames he was tearing off the walls. He pulled a shelving unit down and kicked it a couple times for good measure. His hand swung out at the bedside lamp and the shade went skittering across the hardwood. After about ten minutes there was nothing else left for him to destroy and he felt empty.

Empty of the rage he'd been bottling up inside. He sunk down into the bed and put his face in his hands. He looked around the room which he thought looked a lot like how he felt on the inside. And suddenly a wave of loneliness rolled in. He didn't want to be here. He didn't want to be this person. He felt sick to his stomach thinking of how he'd almost gone and disgraced the sacrifice Beverly had made by walking into a bar. He thought of the countless times he'd been on a drunken rage and smashed a motel room, and even Rayna's apartment. How many times had he gone off on a binge and left her to worry about where he was, dead or alive?

His boots crunched against broken glass as he left the room and grabbed his car keys.

—-

 _Rayna_

Rayna heard the door in the kitchen creep open. She glanced at her phone to see it was well past midnight. She stood up from the couch to see Deacon, standing at the door and relief washed over her.

 _He was okay. He was back. All in one piece._

She could see the redness around his eyes, but other than that he seemed stable. He didn't stumble or reek of whiskey or a bar which quieted the anxious voices in her head.

He strode towards her, put his hands on either side of her face and before she knew it his lips were crashing down on hers. She immediately surrendered and leaned into him. She wrapped one arm around his neck and her other hand ran through his hair, trying to bring him as close to her as possible. His arms were running up and down her sides. One hand on her lowing back, pulling her to him, the other gripped tightly on her hip.

He broke their lips apart for a moment and looked into her eyes, "I didn't mean it. Any of it. I don't know where'd I'd be without you. You've saved me, Ray. And you keep doing even when I give you every reason not to. Every moment with you and our girls, I wouldn't trade it for anything, darlin'. Y'all are my whole world. I love you, baby."

"I love you, Deacon. So much," Rayna choked back before she couldn't help but pull him to her again.

All she wanted to do was hold onto him and not let him out of her arms. He lifted her hips up and she wrapped her legs around his waist. He pushed her back against the counter before he swiftly pulled off the pajama pants she'd had on. In seconds, he was thrusting himself inside of her, rocking them against the cold marble. His lips hungrily ran down her neck and back up, stopping to nibble at the spot just underneath her collarbone. Rayna tugged at his hair, trying to suppress a moan. She reached down and brought his lips back up to hers, biting down on his lower lip and she could feel herself reaching a climax. He rocked against her harder, sending her spiraling. The tension from their fight, the passion from their fiery reunion all exploding and radiating throughout her body, sending her core shivering. She leaned her forehead against his as she tried to catch her breath, the house now silent except for their heaving breathing.

He kissed her, but gentler this time. His tongue lightly running along hers. She broke her lips from his and brought them to his ear.

"Let's go to bed, babe" she whispered.

He went to wrap her legs around his waist to carry her before she stopped him.

"Uh-uh, mister. You are supposed to be recovering and taking it easy. But since we've already broken that rule, you are definitely not carrying me upstairs. And I need you to heal, because you're stuck with me, forever."

"Hmm, I can live with that," Deacon replied before taking her hand in his as they headed for their bed.


	15. Let's Talk About

**_So this scene encompasses a discussion between Rayna and Maddie after Deacon finds Maddie and Colt half dressed at his house. I know we got to see the Deacon side of this convo, but I love these mother daughter moments so I'd thought let's see what Rayna has to say. This is includes some discussion about Deacon's liver cancer which was also looming over their heads at the time. I love reading reviews so keep letting me know what you guys think!_**

"Maddie, sweetie, can I come in?" Rayna called as she lightly knocked on the bedroom door of her eldest daughter.

"Uh-huh, it's open," Maddie answered back.

Rayna turned the handle and stepped inside to see Maddie, legs under the covers, and her song journal open across her lap. Rayna glanced around at the walls, smiling at the posters of various country stars, pictures from when Maddie was little, photo booth strips of Maddie and her friends making silly faces for the camera, and Rayna's favorite, the guitar pick frame on her nightstand with the picture of the four of them performing at Fort Campbell.

Rayna could still remember when this had been her nursery, with a crib and light pink walls and a big rocking chair in the corner where Rayna would quietly sing lullabies until the sun came up, trying to soothe Maddie. Rayna had always found that it was the old country ballads that got her down the fastest.

While the room looked like that of any average teenage girl, Deacon's run in with Maddie and Colt at his house made Rayna realize her baby girl wasn't a baby anymore and she was growing up right before her eyes into a young woman.

Rayna walked over to the bed and sat by Maddie's blanket-covered legs.

"Do you mind putting that away for a second?" Rayna asked, gesturing to the songbook.

Maddie obliged, folding it closed.

"Dad told you didn't he?" Maddie said, seemingly able to read Rayna's motherly demeanor that she took on especially for serious talks.

"He did, babe. And you know this is something we have to talk about. You're getting older and your relationship with Colt is developing and it's a really exciting time for you, but there's a lot of big choices that come along with that."

"I swear, Mom, we weren't doing it. And we weren't going to. It wasn't going to go that far."

"Oh hon, I know you say that and I'm sure you mean it. But when your dating someone, and y'all are so wrapped up in each other, sometimes things can just happen even if you didn't think they would and it's something I want you to be able to come to me about."

"Mom, this is so embarrassing, can we please just let it go and like ground me or something?"

Rayna chuckled at her daughter's discomfort. This was a day Rayna had always partly been dreading, but deep down she was so happy she was able to be there for Maddie. When Rayna had gotten involved with Deacon and they started going further and further, Rayna felt so lost. Her daddy had kicked her out so she was living with Deacon and when they weren't in Nashville, they were out on the road together. Rayna hadn't had a lot of close female friends and she never felt like she could talk to Tandy about this stuff back then. Rayna had ached to be able to talk to her mama, to have someone to ask all the scary questions and to have someone reassure her that everything would be alright. She wanted Maddie to know that she could come to her.

"I know it's probably awkward to talk about sex with your mom. But, you are getting older and we need to have this conversation at some point. Is Colt pressuring you to sleep with him? Because if he is, that is not the kind of person you want to be in a relationship with let alone intimate with."

"No, Mom! He's totally not like that at all. He knows I'm not ready and he respects that."

"So it's something y'all have talked about? Something, you've considered?"

"I mean it was brought up, I kinda thought about it. I just….How do you know when it's right?"

"Oh sweet girl, that is such a complicated question, one I could never fully answer. But let me tell you this, when you do decide to have sex, you want to be 100% sure. If there's ever any doubt in your mind, it's not the right time. You want it to be with someone you trust completely, someone you love, someone very special to you and someone who respects you and your boundaries. Being intimate with someone like that is such a sacred thing, you don't just give that piece of yourself to just anyone. I could tell you to wait till marriage, till you're committed to someone for life, but that would be unfair of me. And if you do decide to have sex, you need to be smart. You need to be—"

"Okay, okay, Mom I think I got enough of that part in health class, I really don't need to hear it from you again."

"Ok, just so long as we are clear on that."

"We are. Crystal clear," Maddie said reassuringly.

"So was Deacon your first?" Maddie asked shyly.

"He was, hon. We loved each other very much and being with the right person is what made it so special," Rayna replied, smiling as she fondly looked back on that night.

"And you were how old?"

"I was just about seventeen, your age."

"I'm glad we got to talk about this together. And you know I'm always here for you, your dad is always here for you, even to talk about this stuff. And even if you feel like you can't come to us, you know how much Juliette loves you, too."

"I know, Mom. Is dad still mad?"

"No, babe, he just wants to make sure you're alright."

"Mom, what are we going to do? Dad can't die. It's not fair. He already missed so many years. It's not fair if we don't get to make up for it," Maddie whispered, her voice cracking just a little.

Rayna's heart broke at her daughter's confession. Rayna felt so guilty, knowing that she had added so substantially to her daughter's pain. What Rayna had convinced herself to be the best way to protect Maddie back then seemed to never stop coming back to haunt her. Rayna slid closer to Maddie and wrapped her in her arms, which was the only comfort Rayna could provide with such an impossible situation. There was no way to go back and fix the past, whatever that meant changing, and Deacon's future was no longer in Rayna's hands. She had thrown her hail mary pass and it was up to Beverly to catch it.

Rayna wished she could let Maddie know she was doing everything in her power to fix this. But she knew if Beverly rejected Rayna's offer, it would only devastate her family even further to know about it in the first place. All Rayna could do was hold Maddie, just like she had when she was a little girl and she fell on the playground or someone had teased her at school. Except now, their problems were much larger and more complicated than skinned knees and schoolyard bullies.

Rayna prayed Beverly came through for them. Otherwise, not only could Rayna not even begin to image her future without Deacon, she didn't think she could bare looking into Maddie's eyes everyday, knowing she had stolen the majority of time Deacon and Maddie could have had together.


End file.
